Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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