Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
