I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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