Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
