Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
