I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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