I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Holy sore nipples Batman
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
