but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
