im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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