I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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