two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
