You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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