He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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