you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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