Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
