i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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