Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
