so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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