The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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