Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
