I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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