I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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