Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
