You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
