My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
