What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
