Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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