Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
