I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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