It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
