peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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