I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
