wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
