I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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