Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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