i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
