# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
