I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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