I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize