i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
