Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
