We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
