Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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