I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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