I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
