I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
