I think my vagina is haunted
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
