Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
