I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
