i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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