Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
