you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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