What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
