xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
