Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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