so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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