She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
