oh god the rape fog is back!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
