Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
