one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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