I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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