So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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