he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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