The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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