Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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