True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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